On May 21, 2006 after eight years of formation I was ordained a priest in the Society of Divine Word. And I was very happy that I became a priest.
At the same time, a rebellion appeared in my head, because I joined the missionary congregation and I was destined to work in Poland. I wanted to go for the mission in Asia, specifically in Japan, South Korea, China or Mongolia. I even studied these difficult languages for several years during the seminary formation. Unfortunately, my hard work was for nothing - I thought.
Thus the first years of my priesthood passed at the parish of the Queen of Apostles in Rybnik (Silesia in Poland). I had to go to teach unruly students. In addition, I had a lot of pastoral work. Months passed and after two years, my superiors decided me to study more.
I wanted to ask for a mission appointment again. Unfortunately, it failed again. What's more, I was sent for the difficult studies in Classics at the Catholic University of Lublin. My trip to the mission was even further away. For five years I worked there with the neocatechumenal community. There were various types of evangelization but my desire to be a missionary was not satisfied.
After some year superiors let me start an English language course in the United States (Epworth/Iowa). I spent a year there and I wanted to stay in the Caribbean, where priests were needed, but this time the superiors said firmly: No, come back to Poland and finish your studies. So I came back and continued my intellectual work. Again I was disappointed that I was not a missionary.
Later I went to Belgium for a student exchange program (Erasmus+). And there was a breakthrough in my priestly life. I have personally experienced that I am not yet ready for missionary work and for witnessing. In this "spiritual desert" it was difficult for me to find at least one person who would like to accompany me during the daily Eucharist. Eventually two students joined me but even so, when I celebrated Holy Mass for them, I thought about Jesus Christ, who died on the cross in solitude. I identified with him very much in those days. This experience helped me to understand how much I am still weak and unable to bear witness to my Master. I have grown to believe that there is still a long way ahead of me to become strong enough and proclaim the Gospel to the whole world.
I am not so rebellious at the moment because my superiors let me be a missionary in Indonesia. I try to fulfill the role of a missionary in those environments in which I work. And it is not a simple task at all. Often I lack the courage to give witness to Christ. Nevertheless, I accept God's will for my life with humility and wait with hope for the missionary task at the Seminary in Ledalero on Flores, Indonesia. Now my attitude is completely different than at the beginning of the priesthood. I know that I do not have to get what I want, because maybe it is not the best for me.
I try to be a missionary for those I meet in my everyday life. Praise the Lord!
Prayers of SVD
May the darkness of sin
and the night of unbelief vanish before the light of the Word
and the Spirit of grace
and may the Heart of Jesus live
in the hearts of all people.
(Saint Arnold Janssen)